Unexpected Birthday

I expected to go out for a lovely breakfast date with John while the kids were at school. I expected to go out for a delicious family dinner so I wouldn't have to cook or clean. I expected to spend some of the day selfishly doing the things I love, like working out, shopping, hanging with girlfriends, showering in peace.

What I unexpectedly got for my birthday was the motherload of snow, which had trapped all of us in the house. But in this change of plan came some unexpected awesomeness.

John cooked all day, including a birthday cake. So much better than any restaurant because I know for sure no chef loves me like he loves me.

My kids stepped up and tried to keep things clean. I loved watching their effort, even if the actual result was less than stellar.
Most of all, even though I wanted some time to myself to do whatever I wanted, I was completely and totally surrounded by my family. As I felt my grumbling thoughts starting to rise up within me, my mom called. In that phone call, it struck me that it has probably been about 15 years since the last birthday we were physically together. Which made me think that in another 15 years, it will be very likely that I won't be physically spending my birthday with my kids anymore. These times are precious and numbered and pretty freaking awesome.

Sometimes the unexpected is so much better. It catches you off guard. It helps you see the routine of life in a new light. Besides, I also got some pretty amazing gifts. Look at the game my third guy made me as a present. Don't have a clue what the rules are to this game. I don't think he does either. But it doesn't really matter, does it.

Ridiculous Gifts

Our children woke up excited and eager to see what wondrous treasures awaited them on Christmas morning. This made me think about the different types of gifts that are given, especially this time of year. There are gifts of practicality, like a new pair of shoes or clothes. There are gifts of pure pleasure, like that much wanted video game, or that precious new baby doll. There are gifts for the whole family to enjoy, like a weekend away, or a new pet to love. And then there are those utterly ridiculous, impractical, going to end up in the garbage in a few weeks type of gifts. But the pleasure that is derived for that brief moment in time from such gifts far outweigh the ridiculousness of the item.

We had one of those in the present pile. Selah loved the movie, "Tangled." So much so that she's watched it three times already, and would go again if I would let her. So when we saw this monstrosity, we threw our better judgement out the door and bought it. Looks harmless enough in the box. Notice how somewhat normal it looks on the little girl on the cover of the box.

Now look at it on Selah. Sigh. Not only does she look crazy, but there is 2 feet long shiny blonde hair all over my floor. On her clothes. On my clothes. On the furniture. Everywhere. But she's deliriously happy, so I can live with it.

Overlooked moments

One of my friends made a video titled "those simple moments." It was his way of showing the beauty that exists in the simple, ordinary moments of life. I love that reminder and that challenge...to seek for the special in the mundane, because it's always there if you look carefully enough.


overlooked // those simple moments from Chris & Oliver Cinema on Vimeo.


So along that vein, I wanted to think about some of the overlooked moments of this past year for me.

Moments like....

When a smile changed from the polite one exchanged among acquaintances and strangers, to one exchanged among friends. That smile often looks the same, but it comes down to the eyes. A smile among friends extends all the way up to the eyes. There is a sparkle, a warmth, an authenticity that sets it apart. I feel so privileged to have witnessed that smile in many of the relationships I've forged this year.

When that smile doesn't change from old friends. Moving took away the convenience of seeing many of my old friends on a daily basis. But it's pretty amazing when time and distance doesn't negate the strength of a friendship.

When a finger is where it should be. When our kids were born, we would joke that all was good because we counted all ten fingers and toes. Never has that been more true for me than this year. After having my youngest lose a part of her finger, and then have it reattached back on, I often just stare at her hand and marvel at how thankful I am for her finger.

When a soccer goal was made. My oldest has been playing soccer since he was five. Every year, we've watched him work hard, be a good team player, and have a good attitude. And every year, we've watched him not score a goal. He's assisted in plenty of goals, but never had the chance to put one in himself. We always tell him that there are flashy people, and solid people. And while flash gets a lot of attention, it's the solid that has longevity. After four years and countless times of being solid, it was a beautiful moment to see him get a bit of flash this year.

When notes become music. This year, our oldest two boys have started the transition from just playing notes or tapping drum beats to truly making music. Music that not only sounds "correct," but also comes from the soul. My goal of being the next jonas bros, hanson, or partridge family (depending on what generation you are) is halfway there.

When laughter rings out in the house. For all the yelling, whining, and crying that happens in our household (and that's just me), I love that laughter is still the predominant sound of our family.

So take a moment and look for those special moments hidden in the ordinary routine of life. What are some of yours from the past year?

More things no one told me about motherhood

When my day began yesterday, I never thought that it would end with me sitting in an ER room holding a tupperware filled with ice and part of my daughter's finger.

A few hours earlier, we were getting ready to celebrate my third guy's birthday. Our older two were out at their activities, so our plan was to take the younger two to dinner. As John and I were getting things ready, we told the kids to get their shoes on and get in the car, as they have done time and time again. I heard them shuffle out the mud room, and the door to the garage slamming shut. I heard Selah screaming and went quickly to the door assuming that they were fighting, or she had fallen, or some ordinary circumstance like that. Instead, when I opened the door, I saw her sitting on the step holding her hand with blood dripping down all over the floor. All I saw was blood, at which point my scream brought John over. Getting into doctor mode, he examined her hand to see where the blood was coming from when he shouted, "It's her finger. Her finger is cut off!" As he quickly took her to the car, I ran and got a tupperware, filled it with ice, and placed the top of her right ring finger into it, and off to the ER we went.

No one told me that this was part of my job description as a mom. No one told me that I would have to stay calm and focused when all I wanted to do was scream my flipping head off. No one told me that I would have to swallow my own tears so I could be busy wiping my child's. No one told me that I would have to find a way to tell stories and sing songs to distract her from the pain when the last thing I wanted to do was tell stories and sing songs.

No one told me that I would also have to simultaneously comfort my son who was crying in the corner of the ER room because he was spending his birthday with no dinner, no cake, and the knowledge that he had accidentally cut off his sister's finger. To make matters worse, a friend came and picked him up from the ER and bought him a happy meal for his dinner. When he opened his happy meal, there was no toy in the box. Happy birthday bud.

Long story short, they took her to the OR and reattached her finger. They hope that because she is so young, and children are amazingly resilient, the reattachment will be successful and all will be well in time. For now, her finger is tightly wrapped up with her arm in a sling, and we will need to protect and coddle that hand like a newborn baby for a few weeks. As horrible as this all was, it could have been worse. It was just the top of one finger, and in the grand scheme of things, not the end of the world. She got up this morning and started pirouetting around with her gimp hand, so we have high hopes that she will be just fine.

We also broke all the rules and ate Gabriel's birthday cake for breakfast before school today. Selah will get to watch as many of her videos as she wants, and eat as much of her halloween candy that she desires. That's also part of the job description of moms. I get to pick when we can break the rules, and no time more appropriate than today.

Army of Moms

Yesterday, we took our daughter to the American Girl store. Somehow, we ended up on their mailing list and have been flooded with catalog after catalog every few months for the past year. Sometimes I'm quick enough to toss it into recycling before she notices it, but most times, she clings to those catalogs and points out incessantly which ones she likes. Finally, after months of her puppy dog eyes and (how do I put this) "assertive communication," we gave in and decided to get her the bitty baby. After fighting through weekend traffic and crowds, we made our way there and walked out with the newest member of our family, baby Maggie, who she also nicknamed Shaggy. In spite of all the sacrifices it took to get it for her, the look of pure joy and happiness made it all worth it.

It melts my heart into a thousand tiny pieces to see my kids light up like that. Now I'm a firm believer that things do not bring happiness, and I work hard to instill in my kids that they should never put their value and joy and identity into what they have or don't have. But I do believe that if a gift is given in love, there is definitely value and joy in that, both for the giver and the one who receives. I can't help but think about moms around the world who want to express that love to their children through gifts, but for whatever reason, can not. I think every parent should have the joy of watching their kids light up from a well chosen present.


Since moving to my neighborhood, I have had the chance to meet many new, awesome mom friends. For all our various differences and personalities and interests, one common denominator I have seen is that not only do we ferociously love and protect our own kids, but we can greater understand and associate ourselves with the greater community of kids at large. Just a few weeks ago, I witnessed our collective anger towards an establishment in town that treated a child with food allergies so atrociously and heartlessly. She was not our child, but our anger and call to action was no less passionate than if it were our own. Or I think back to a few months ago when some moms in the neighborhood found two children wandering lost on the first day of school. While the rest of us were taking pictures and shedding tears at the playground, these children were walking themselves to school (unsuccessfully) with a garbage bag filled with rag tag supplies. As this story was circulated, we all felt that collective sense of injustice and wanting to help in some way. We all recognized the discrepancy that we have tons of backpacks sitting in our closet unused simply because they were out of fashion, while children in our own vicinity were walking to school with garbage bags. If the school district had not taken the lead in helping those children out, there would have been an army of moms here that would have taken the lead. That is the power of mothers, especially of those I have had the privilege to meet here.


So especially as we move into this holiday season, I want my family to be passionate about providing that chance to see other kids light up with joy. The joy not necessarily from a new toy, but from being valued enough to receive one. Our family will be collecting new toys for a gift mart that our church holds in east aurora and joliet through the elementary schools. Parents there will be able to buy great new toys at a reduced rate of $2. All the profits made at the gift mart go straight back into the elementary school that is hosting it. If any of the moms in my neighborhood would be interested in participating, you can drop off toys to me at any time, or even better, volunteer as a family to help out at the gift mart and see how such a small thing can affect so much change for a community of people. If this isn't the right fit, there are many other worthwhile organizations and opportunities out there to connect with and contribute to. One thing I know, the army of moms is a powerful weapon and I'm glad to be a part of it!

Halloween Musings

So halloween is coming up, and I had these grand visions of my family of six strolling thru my neighborhood in perfectly coordinating group ensembles. I threw out idea after idea about what they could be to accomplish this goal.

Dorothy, Scarecrow, Tin Man, and Lion! NO!
Mario, Luigi, Toad, Princess Peach! NO!
Ketchup, Mustard, Hot Dog, and French Fries! NO!
Sue Sylvester, Finn, Puck, Artie! (Okay, that was more for me)

As it became painfully apparent that none of my ideas were going to work, my wise husband advised me to simply let them choose what they wanted to be. Sounds easy enough, but I realized that this costume situation represented something so much deeper. It epitomized my daily struggle to love and accept my children as they are, rather than squeezing them into who I think they should be. To walk that balance of guiding their steps without controlling them. To provide boundaries and rules, but within those perimeters, granting them the freedom to make their own choices and preferences, even if they should differ from mine. And when they do differ from mine, to fully support them instead of passive- aggressively implying that I know better. For a control freak like me, this is much easier said than done. But I'm working on being that kind of mom.

So off we went to the store, and each child picked within my perimeters the costume of their choice (no gore....it's asking too much for me to be okay with my kids walking around with an axe in their heads or some weapon of mass destruction in their hands). So this halloween, I will be strolling thru my neighborhood with a banana, 2 ninjas, and a cinderella. No unified theme. No perfectly coordinated ensemble. Just four kids happily wearing what they wanted, which I'm learning makes it pretty perfect to me.

Thankful

I think when you've been married for a good amount of time, coupled with the busyness and stress of life and kids and work and activities, it's easy to let common manners and courtesy towards your spouse or children go out the window. I remember growing up rarely hearing my parents ever say thank you, or please, or even I love you. I suppose you could attribute some of that to the culture, but at the root of it, it was just a genuine lack of appreciation for each other.

That feeling of entitlement so quickly and easily creeps in. I'm entitled to feel this way. I'm entitled to have my spouse do those things because that is their job. I'm entitled to not say thank you because they didn't say thank you to me. I'm entitled. Even as a young child, I remembering vowing that I would fight hard to make courtesy and thankfulness the natural fiber of my future family.

10 years into our marriage and four children later, it's a daily fight to remember that vow. That feeling of entitlement is always bubbling under the surface, and it takes effort and grace to keep it there. But I do hope that our kids are growing up realizing that "thank you" and "please" are not just reserved for strangers or acquaintances. I hope that they hear it and say it often.

So yes, I just wrote a blog about my husband. But I don't want my thanks and appreciation to be limited to special occasions and big moments. So thank you that you took the kids to school this morning so I could run. Thank you that you are currently using your day off to paint the outside of the house. Thank you that you are taking care of Selah so I can go out to lunch with girlfriends. Thank you that you put up with my crazy, bordering on violent, ranting yesterday because our wretched cable provider dvr (ahem...comcast sucks) failed to record the glee episode. Thank you.